sendLightning: silence success-case xpay log, re-read db before leak guard

Two cleanups based on a day of production data:

1. Only log the xpay response shape when something is abnormal
   (failed_parts > 0 or missing preimage). The success case (200+/day) was
   pure noise — answers Adam's "do we still need these xpay warnings".

2. Re-read the payment record from db before the leak guard fires. Several
   "LEAKED DEBIT" lines today were finalize() throwing on a late line
   (likely db.incrBy for the fee refund) AFTER db.set had already
   persisted p.ref. The payment is functionally settled in those cases —
   only flag as a real leak if ref is genuinely missing from the db record.

Co-Authored-By: Claude Opus 4.7 (1M context) <[email protected]>

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